


Troupe Trouble

by fandom_cat



Category: Five Boroughs Series - Santino Hassell
Genre: Aiden Fairbairn (mentioned), Chris is confused, Jace Fairbairn (mentioned), Multi, Relationship Problems, Trouple, he just wants advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 11:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12480916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_cat/pseuds/fandom_cat
Summary: Chris can't figure out what to do about his major crush on a married couple. He's decided to ask the only reasonable queer dude he knows. (It's David. He asks David.)This was supposed to have another chapter (which might still happen) but I decided to publish the beginning now, just in case I don't get inspiration before Santino hits us with canon. Enjoy!





	Troupe Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to @sunnastudies.tumblr.com for asking around for an expression or two to help me with translations. I do not speak Spanish so correct when something is wrong! ^^  
> The rating is because of language. :)  
> Excuse the generic punny title, I just couldn't come up with another.
> 
> *thanks to Lucifuge5 for fixing my Spanish xd

I rang the bell more intensely than I needed to but my nerves needed to go somewhere. Anywhere. I was a mess, which was why I was now setting Ray and David’s apartment on fire by the means of a wild, continuous, mechanical shriek which echoed throughout their entire floor.

I was pretty sure somebody who was not Raymond was cursing me out down the corridor but before I could make out the words, the door before me swung open.

 _“Lo juro por D— Chris?”_ Raymond’s face made a sharp turn from angry to surprised. He had a bottle of wine in his hand which was pretty much the weirdest thing ever for Raymond, and I wondered whether he had planned to smash it in the head of the bell-ringer before discovering it was me. _“¿qué haces aquí?”_

“I need to talk to David,” I said.

Raymond looked over his shoulder. When he looked back he had a grin on his face. He was getting progressively weirder.

“Come in and save me from this hell,” he murmured.

Raymond pulled me inside by the front of my t-shirt with the fingers of the same hand which held the bottle. The glass was freaking cold even through the fabric and I winced. My expression changed as the door clicked behind me; I had just landed myself in the middle of a very unlikely social gathering.

David was in the kitchen, but because life is cruel and I am an unlucky bastard, so was Aiden’s brother Caleb and his boyfriend Oli. This was not the right company to discuss what I’d come here to discuss, and the fact they had laid out some fancy ass food and had opened fancy ass bottles of wine did not help the situation.

No wonder Raymond wanted me to save him though.

Now all four of them were staring at me expectantly and all I wanted was to figure out an excuse to not stay.

But I’d just arrived with the sound of a very intense doorbell ringing, so I had no real way out. _Great_.

“Um— Hi.” I tossed my backpack on the floor. Raymond came to kick it closer to the counter and out of the way. “I was looking for David.”

The fancy white people greeted me politely; Raymond’s personal white person smiled.

“What’s up, Chris?”

“Um, I think I came at the wrong time.”

“Nonsense,” Raymond hurried to say. “Sit. Talk. Share. Overwhelm us with your problems.”

With that, he left for the kitchen and started digging through the fridge. Hopefully for a beer. Or three. Caleb was frowning but Oli seemed only amused with my friend’s weak attempts to avoid being in the same room as his boyfriend’s ex.

I have never been anybody’s ex, not properly, but even I couldn’t imagine just hanging out with their new crush over wine and snacks. This must have been one of David’s insanely optimistic ideas.

I shrugged and crashed next to David on the couch.

“I’m losing my mind,” I admitted.

“What happened?”

I glanced at Raymond coming with my beer, then at Oli and Caleb, who were the worst possible people to talk to about this. Then I glanced at David and with a sigh buried my face in my hands, leaning until I could feel my knees at the back of my palms.

“I’m a mess, David. Why can’t I do queer like a normal bi dude? I have one little threesome… Okay, it wasn’t once. And not very little. But—” I emerged to find David gaping at me. “Please tell me how to not fall for people I have threesomes with?”

“Wow,” Oli said. “Just wow.”

David was still gaping and Raymond had frozen with two beers in hand just few steps from me. If I reached, the solutions to the minor-est of my problems – thirst – would be within my grasp.

I let the beer be for now.

“Help,” I plead.

David shifted in the couch, almost touching his back to Caleb behind him. He was measuring me with his eyes.

“I’m not sure it’s the best idea to talk about my threesome experiences right about now,” David admitted.

I looked around and concluded that was a wise choice. Still, my problems persisted.

“You’re crushing on Jace?” Oli asked with a smug smile which made me want to frown at him.

I did just that while I finally reached out for my beer. Raymond capitulated next to the living room table, legs bent at the knees, his arms rested on them, and beer bottle held between. He didn’t look like he wanted to participate and I didn’t know if his blank stares would be helpful anyway.

I needed solid queer dude advice.

“Yes, but not exactly,” I answered finally, bringing the beer to my lips and taking a big brave gulp. It felt good. “And don’t you go telling Aiden or Jace any of this or I will hurt you and the ones you love. Bad hood shit. I am from the dangerous parts of Queens, you know. Whities beware.”

Raymond was biting his lips against a smile and I wanted to kick him. Unfortunately, he was too far for my foot to reach.

“I have zero interest to talk to my brother about his sex life,” Caleb said deadpan.

I could believe his statement but I knew for a fact Oli and Jace had cocktails together during unlikely hours, alongside their other fancy pants rich friends, so I wasn’t feeling safe just yet.

“Chris, why did you come to me for advice?”

“I don’t know. You’re the only queer dude I’m close to who wouldn’t be a wise-ass about this?”

“Fair point.”

Raymond gave me the finger. I tried to warn him to not mess with me right now but he ignored me.

“You’ve been in a threesome before, so why are you losing your shit right now?” he asked.

I frowned at him too. “You’re cute and all, and so is Steph, but you’re both not my type.”

“Wow,” Oli repeated, then laughed. His expression was predatory, like the latest piece of gossip would make him richer than he already probably was. “This has just turned into a great evening. Thank you for coming, Christopher.”

“You know Aiden will kill you if he knows you’re crushing on his husband. Or rather, if you made a move on his husband.” Caleb did not abandon his deadpan delivery which I found oddly reassuring. At least he wasn’t wasting his time being shocked with my ridiculous crushing but was taking me seriously instead. “He doesn’t like it one bit.”

“Well, yea, I can’t help it. And I told you it’s not simple.”

“Why don’t you explain it to us,” David suggested.

I landed my face back into my hands, then folded in two. My beer sat forgotten on the floor beside my feet, any thirst-quenching completely immaterial while I tried to figure out how the hell do I explain the ideas of my crazy, freshly-out, impressionable brain.

Admittedly, the sex had been mind-blowing. My mind could not imagine a way to screw up a threesome that colossally that it wouldn’t be at least a little fun, but even if there was a way, Jace and Aiden were so threesome-experienced that it left no room for failure.

The only problem was in my own screwed-up head, which couldn’t stop taking all the dick-signals and translating them into heart-signals. Which was a pretty lousy data rerouting.

“I have a major crush on a married couple,” I mumbled. “I can’t stop mentally collecting silly wise-cracks for next time I see Aiden; all I think about when I play my Xbox is Jace cuddling next to me and bitching about his turn. I want it to stop. I just want to have a fun threesome like a normal dude and move the hell on. Somebody, please, help. Somebody please tell my brain that my dick is not in charge.”

There was a long, heavy silence after this. I was tempted to look but I couldn’t, not without resulting to bypassing the excuse and just launching for the door. I was desperate for David’s advice, so much that I had actually spilled everything in front of my double-crush’s friends.

I was a really big mess. This had been a horrible idea.

“Maybe it’s your ass that’s in charge,” Raymond suggested finally. I looked up to stare at him in disbelief. “Just saying.”

“This is why I don’t ask you about these things, _pendejo_.”

_“Querías hanguear con esos dos, pero ahora tienes un problemón.”_

“That’s the issue, bro,” I explained. Raymond just shook his head. “It's not the fucking. Lemme say it again so you hear me: I have a crush on a married couple. Both of them. And they are married. To each other. Very married. Very not available for crushes and general dating shit. And quite likely not interested in my stupidly basic South Jamaican ass.”

Nobody seemed to have anything useful to say which was getting really frustrating. At least David seemed generally sympathetic, which was an improvement to Oli’s and Ray’s amused expressions. I was feeling like it was the time for one of my abrupt exits but just then I was surprised.

“So, can you clear up what’s the problem: the crushing part, the married part, or the part where you have serious self-esteem issues?” Oli asked. “Because I can help with the first two but you need somebody else for the last one. I don’t do support group shit. Maybe that youth-centre friend of yours can hold your hand. The kinds can sing you “Hush, Little Queer” and all that…”

“Okay, shut up,” Raymond said.

If it had been for my benefit, it wasn’t necessary. Dude was offering a solution to two of my three problems and his delivery was the least of my worries.

“How can you help?” I asked.

Oli set his glass down.

“Before they even got you over the first time, Jace was a wreck. He’s never nervous about a third; it’s his lifestyle, something he got Aiden into, and he is 100% clear on how the arrangement goes. But with you, he was different. Because he liked you.” Oli glanced at his boyfriend once before continuing, “First thing Aiden did when they had you over, was tell us both he’s crushing on you. There is no question they both really are into you. There’s no question there’s something there.”

This was not helpful. It only made me wonder why would either of them be remotely interested in my boring ass. Jace kept saying I was funny, but they’d spent now three full days hanging out with me and there was no chance I wasn’t getting dull already. My jokes were all the same and I had actually really upset Jace when I left that first time without a warning. It was hard work to get him to talk to me again afterwards, plus Aiden was being the opposite of helpful by reminding me I’ve screwed up every time we chatted.

Which was unfair since I’d warned him about the abrupt exits. I hated awkward.

“That doesn’t mean they’d wanna date me though,” I said. Jace and Aiden might have fun with an extra man in bed but their relationship seemed so perfect – it didn’t need a socially awkward third wheel. “Why would they?”

“I told you I can’t help you with your self-esteem trouble,” Oli reminded. “But as for the other thing: you’re just going to have to treat it like any other date. You’ll just have to ask them out and keep your fingers crossed they say yes.”

“Bro, I never asked nobody out on a date before. Not with that face and poor communication skills. Who the fuck you think I am, a Rodriguez? “

David snorted a laugh but when I glimpsed at him, his face was completely straight. (Well, figure of speech.) He patted me unhelpfully on the shoulder.

I ignored David to stare at Oli again and challenge him into doing better in answering my worries. He sighed.

“Jesus, that’s a proper queer in the headlights look if I’ve seen one. Just ask them out on a date, man. Ask them both together so neither gets jealous and just take it from there. I guarantee they’ve been thinking about you as well.”

“That’s the stupidest fucking advice I’ve ever heard,” Raymond ground out.

They all turned to him. He had his brow furrowed, not watching any of them, just playing with his beer. I waited for an explanation; I began tapping on the floor with my foot and Raymond kicked me after just ten beats. Finally, he looked up. I blinked at him.

“This is not at all important,” Ray said. “The last thing you need to worry about is who likes who.” He growled at David mouthing ‘whom’ and continued, “You’re talking inserting yourself into a fucking relationship and I might not be a genius bet even I learned that shit’s hard, okay? You gotta put some effort and in your case, that’s three people we’re talking about.”

I blinked again. Not only was my boy Ray being helpful, he was asking me to do some serious thinking. He’d changed since moving out of his childhood home but this was some serious adult shit and I was not prepared. Plus, his words got me real anxious all of sudden, more nervous than I’d been when my only problem was whether Aiden and Jace had some of the heart-feelings for me as well as the dick-feelings.

“Look, _niño_ ,” Ray kept going, “you gotta think you’re going in on an established marriage, right? They’d been together for twelve years; they got old habits, old fights, old rituals, old everything. You going in, trying to date both of them’s gonna be weird and it’s gonna be hard.

“You gotta figure what happens if you start fighting and neither’s ever on your side. What happens when they do their own couple shit, celebrating anniversaries or whatever, and you feel left out? How do you feel about them still doing that swinging business? Cause I bet you anything this isn’t just some search which ends with your Latino ass in their bed, it’s just the way they are and they’ll keep doing it, maybe after a few months or a year, even if they are heads over heels taken with you.

“So, your little mop fest is pretty fucking pointless if you don’t first figure out how you’d actually feel in this three-way relationship you got going. Cause these dudes have been married for a while, okay, and they’re solid. So how do you fit into that?”

I had no fucking idea. There was no way I fit into anything, but saying that to Raymond would be as helpful as saying it to Oli – they’d both just laugh it off.

Jace and Aiden had a good thing going. If I wanted an in—if I wanted the chance to be part of any sort of relationship, I’d have to figure a good reason I click with them. Feeling sorry for myself came easy to me, so my first instinct was to drop it and move on.

Somehow, it was harder to do that than in all previous almost-relationships I’ve let crumble. I actually looked forward to seeing those two every time they invited me over, and the sex had only something to do with it.

I haven’t felt _right_ with anybody like I did with Jace and Aiden.

“I’m totally coming to you for advice next time,” I told Raymond.

He was already shaking his head, chocking on his failed sip of beer.

“Nope,” he coughed out barely. He cleared his throat. “Don’t you fucking dare. I won’t answer the door next time.”

I didn’t pay the threat any attention. He didn’t mean it. Maybe.

But that didn’t matter. I had some shit to figure out. Without a thanks or a goodbye, I left the apartment, collecting my beaten bag from the floor on the way.

 


End file.
